Kill Bill

 

who hurt SZA's heart for her to create such a beautiful song?

2022 has been a year of self-reflection and self-realisation. i've been reflecting on past mistakes and how i could move forward to become a better person.

tbh, i've seriously considered going to therapy. to find out what the hell is wrong with me haha. but then again, i always knew what is my problem, just... never had the guts to take the leap of faith to overcome my issue. this has definitely caused me some relationships in my life. those that i might regret not opening up myself to. but it's all good now, i am in a better place in life.

funny story,

about half a year ago, a date of mine asked if i have ever regretted my relationship (with ex that left the greatest impact in my life) and would i have chosen never to go through it? it got me thinking a lot. if given the chance, would i choose to go through it once more?

i have always lived by my motto of: never regret the choices i've made, and never regret the choices i didn't take. so to answer the first part of the question - no, i have never regretted being in a relationship with my ex. the relationship shaped me into a better person i am today. without all the heart wrenching chest tightening gasping for air nights and sleeping on my tear soaked pillow, i thought i would never survive those nights. i never think i could survive the pain, again. because here i am today, living the life that i worked hard for. i have accomplished milestones that i poured my heart and soul into. and i am still working towards goals that i have set for myself. really happy for where i am today. my past pitiful self would have been proud of who i am today as well.

how about the second part of the question? would i have chosen to never to go through it?

honestly, if given the chance to choose - i would never allow myself to go through it no matter how great the future would turn to be after overcoming this obstacle. no one should ever lose their innocence this way. my innocence to love, just gone like this. it is really sad to know that i will never experience love the same anymore. i really wish to put my guards down to accept whatever great love that is coming. i mean, i probably can. perhaps not fully unguarded if you get what i mean. this is the innocence that have already been lost. and i truly wish none of my loved ones would ever get to experience the length of pains to get to this point in life.