Now I'm on the outside

Is this how depressed people feel like?

Everything feels normal and smooth sailing until a triggering event start the mini episodes of "depression"; I use inverted commas because I dislike using this word. Don't get me wrong, it is not because I dislike or despise people with depression. I dislike associating myself with depression because I feel that whatever I'm going through isn't anything major compared to what many depressed people are going through. There's this part of me which refuse to 'abuse' this mental illness like how many people associate themselves with OCD, bipolar disorder etc. to gain attention just because they have symptoms similar to those disorders (and not because they truly have the mental illness).

There are days that I'm living so happily and my mood can turn 180 degrees without valid reasons. When that happens, I can go days without using my phone or reply texts. Social interactions seem so meaningless and I can't even hold proper conversation without blowing up. It really sucks to know that I've turned into an unreasonable person. I want to go back to the carefree days. Back to the days when I was still in poly. Back to the days when I was still in Dalian. No stress, no pain, no high emotional walls, no high self-defense against people.