Hey there (:
I've been contemplating for quite some time if I should message this instead but I came to the conclusion that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to ruin such a joyous occasion for you. Honestly I don't even know if you are still reading my posts. But hey it's okay, I'll just send my best wishes right here.
Happy Birthday to You 🙂 I always wished the best for you, today will be no exception, and I will still continue to wish the very best for you.
Just want to say that I read the messages and I'm genuinely happy for your achievements! Though we have stopped talking, do know that I appreciated everything you had ever done for me.
Wish I can tell you that my life has been going great so far but I'll defo be lying if I said that. I mean I have always been honest with you, no point fabricating a life that's a not true. Am so tired trying to put up a front in front of everyone. And I guess you're the only one that I never had to be fake with...
Life's been quite tough lately. Just when I thought my 21st was the worst year of my life, 22nd proved me wrong way TOO hard.
It's pretty stupid to think that I knew what I wanted to do with life, too dumb of me to assume that. School's been pretty bad too. Sometimes I regret coming to uni.. I wish I can drop out and quit school for good.. Realised that studying isn't my thing anymore but it's too late for regrets now, I'm already more than half way into the mistake. On the positive note, I've just been confirmed of my work attachment position, yay me. Pretty decent company and hopefully work will be reasonable. The thought of work attachment is the only thing that's keeping me sane about studies. I dread of studying and school so much that I would kill to start work ASAP. There are more to "Jovina's relisation to why 21st wasn't her worst year in life" but I'll save you from the long winded grandma stories.
Been struggling a lot with my emotions lately and I'm still sorting them out. Whatever that's ongoing right now isn't helping my struggles, in fact it's doing the opposite. One thing I realise this year is that people would actually do whatever that is within their power to make a person stay. Pretty sad tbh. And honestly, you'll be utterly disappointed in me if you knew what a person I became... the things I had done, the mess I'm in. lmao you actually wouldn't really want to know.
Aites, enough of my stories.
I also want to add on that I don't hate you, I never did. Knowing me, you should know that I'm always a salty soooooo.. yea I don't hate you, been trapped under negativity for so long that it's nearly impossible for me to get rid of negativity. But I'll try my best to stop affecting people around me with the negativity.
On the other hand, I want to confess that I knew you read my blog from that first message you sent. Let's face it, I know you well enough to know that you aren't so attentive when it comes to me with my dark thoughts.
And please don't blame yourself for everything that happened. Frankly, I did blame you entirely for every pain and sadness I experienced. However as time goes, I realise I too messed up whatever that had happened. Let's both agree that we were too immature to handle things better. Fighting was what we do best and we definitely seen the worst sides of each of us. I mean, we could had done things better but we chose not to... due to our ego, pride, however you want to name it.
I have put behind a lot of things about our past and I hope you would too.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for all the advices you gave me; being such a strong pillar of support, especially being there for me when I needed you early in our relationship.
As Ariana Grande said, "i'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex" (her recent songs are what kept me going thru the tough times)
I'm truly truly grateful and thankful for you in my life. You taught me so many things and life lessons that no one else could (no shades thrown).
To end off: I hope life may be kinder to you in the years to come and you find happiness when you least expect it. I hope there would come a day that we can sit down and talk about life without hurting. And maybe we'll share our milestones with one another and laugh at each others silly stories.
Once again, Happy Birthday x
🙂
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