Let’s go!

Hey hey, it’s me, again!

I just want to say I was feeling very lonely. Not because I was alone, but Ii was feeling really empty ): people of my age are getting engaged or married, yet here I am trying to sort my life straight..
and I guess I hope that I can have someone by my side too. As long as I can remember, I always had someone to lean on. And please don’t think I’m like a whore or a slut that can’t stay single. Being single after years of being in relationships definitely had positive impact on myself. But truth to be told, I get sad whenever I remember I have nobody there for me - not just as friend, but something more yknow? Sometimes I think I’m just desperate lmao.

I remember doing a tarot reading early this year. We were to pick three cards that will represent our past, present, and future reading.

Past: I was a solitude person. Enjoy me-time and did a lot of soul searching
Present: I am a nurturing person. Need to nurture my current relationships otherwise the blooming flowers will wither
Future: I'll experience emotional losses. Got to learn to let go of the experiences that is holding me back from loving

I can confirm “past reading” is true af. There was a period where I just wanted me time so much. Back to the days when my relationship was failing, I isolated myself from everyone, did plentiful of soul searching. And hey, look where I am now! I can confidently say I’m doing pretty great at the moment, not perfect but it’s great!

Present self..? I’m not too sure when does the “present” reading start or end at. My interpretation of the reading basically mean that it’s asking me to stop cutting people off.

Future reading. I’ve been experiencing emotional losses all my life so what is it saying hahaha. Also those losses really held me back from opening up to anyone else. When someone approaches me, I’ll begin finding reasons and ways to push him away. I just don’t feel comfortable enough to allow anyone in. And i guess that’s where the reading is guiding me? Regardless of its true intention, I agree that it has come to a time when I should really let go of all the pains. I’ve been holding it back so much that the scars aren’t healing, not a single bit. I know I’ve said before that the hurts will never go away, but it’s only natural to put the hurt in the past in order to grow..
All these while, I’ve been trying to find a sign of familiarity in the ones I’ve dated ever since I’m back to the single market. Truthfully, I’m sorry to everyone. It’s not only unfair to the guys I’ve dated when I compared them. And also  it’s equally awful for me trying to get replacement for my past comforts/loves/affections. It’s wrong of me. I apologize sincerely from my heart.

To my dear you, I’ve loved you. Nobody can ever steal the love I’ve given away from you. For both of us to move on, we must put everything down, for good. I know we’ve said multiple times that things would never go back to the same as it was, yet a small part of us was still hoping for otherwise. But hey, we know it can never happen - and we shall let go of the hurt. Open up to opportunities, to people whom we think are able to accept us for who we are. And I’m hopeful to the day’s arrival when we can finally meet up and talk without hurting, laughing and sharing our stories over a cup of Starbucks coffee (cause we atas like that). It will all be alright, I promise!

I think I’m ready to see what life has in store for me! (:
xoxo