bad vibes.. where'd the fun go?

Hey there.. it's me again... (:

It had been a very frustrating and stressful week.

One, work.
I am happy that I am given the opportunity to go further, and to even learn more. But all these OT is really taking a toll on my daily life. Besides work, I still got school assignment to complete. Other family commitments that I need to deal with. But it's just constant OT and OT that really suck after a prolong period of time.

Two, him.
Oh hey, look who's finally found someone after 2 years?
Things had been so tough lately. All I wanted is to have a transparent communication but it doesn't seem to me that my methods are working. I'm so tired with all the piling stress. It was all so happy before the CB measures - filled with so much joy and laughter. I am truthfully helpless now, I do not know what else to do. All I wanted was to express my feelings, be transparent, have mature talks. I'm drowning so early in, how am I even supposed to continue to stay afloat? Right now I am being seen as unreasonable, not being realistic, thinking too far ahead..
I was careful, too careful in too many aspects when it comes to relationship. I was too cautious when it comes to accepting someone. I can't go through the same pain again. I am not sure if I could ever climb back up after another hit. I want to be still hopeful and see the positive side of everything. But i am really not sure if I can carry on like this.

Three, mental health.
I got so anxious and skeptical over a pic. Never realised how badly the other incident had actually impacted how I view things lately --- it's pretty fucking bad. My abandonment issue was kicking in so badly that I just wanted to end things off without any valid reasons. Just so I could protect myself and not go through the pains again.
I have always been composed, easygoing, and laidback. Wow.. who would had thought that there would actually be a day that Jov would behave so hysterically???

Four, me.
I am done dealing with people who can only see things from their point of view. It is as if everything I bring up is an attack to their ego. I want to be heard too. I want to be understood. I want to be cherished instead of trying constantly to defend and keep treasured relationships. I wish I can stop pretending to toughen up, I want to just let my guards down for once.